


Chances

by EbbaTriesToWrite



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Supernatural Elements, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 22:29:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18107780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/pseuds/EbbaTriesToWrite
Summary: He opens the door and his glass slips from his fingers but he doesn’t register the sound of it shattering because all he can focus on is the sight in front of him. Donghyuk’s slumped against the wall and he’s covered in blood and way too pale. He walks across the glass shards, ignoring the pain that spikes through his feet, and brings a shaking hand to the boy’s neck and feels his heart sink when he doesn’t feel a pulse. Tears slip down his face as he lays the boy on his back and he thinks he’s screaming but he doesn’t really know as he presses hard on Donghyuk’s chest and he feels like he’s going to throw up when he glances at the boy’s thin wrist and sees how blood spurts out in time with Taeyong’s compressions.He hears footsteps in the hall and then a sharp intake of breath behind him and he turns his head to see Johnny standing there with a hand over his mouth in shock. He turns back to focus on CPR and he thinks he’s done thirty compressions so he leans over to give mouth to mouth but before he can he feels something dark curl around him and then... nothing.Five more chances.





	Chances

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, I just want to place a warning for those who don’t read the tags. This fic deals with suicide and is a bit graphic with mentions of blood and suicide attempts. If you don’t feel comfortable reading stuff like that, please don’t read this. Take care of yourselves and know that there is help out   
> there. 
> 
> Secondly, I only recently got into NCT and I thought Taeyong would be my bias since he was the first one I noticed but the Haechan jumped out and stole my heart. And if you’ve read any of my other works you’ll know I for some reason always makes my faves suffer so…sorry about that. Also, since I only recently found NCT I’m very sorry if I get the characterization wrong but I just couldn’t get this story out of my head. 
> 
> I hope you like it and please let me know what you think! xoxo

Taeyong wakes up in the middle of the night with an odd feeling in his chest. It wasn’t that it was uncommon for him to wake up throughout the night but it usually only happened when he was stressed and for the first time in a long time he wasn’t. He wasn’t naive enough to believe it would last but he was thankful for it. So when he wakes up he doesn’t really understand why. The previous day had been good, great even. Taeil had made breakfast, nothing special really, just some pancakes and bacon, but a nice gesture nonetheless. They only had one dance practice that day with NCT 127 and it hadn’t even been led by their dance teacher so they mostly just goofed off, letting off some steam from the inferno that was comeback preparations. He smiles slightly as he recalls Johnny, Sicheng, and Mark doing the triangle dance as a warm-up, it was a ridiculous challenge but the guys had laughed so loudly that Taeyong couldn’t help but join in. He had been happy that day, just taking it easy for once.

So really, he has no reason to wake up in the middle of the night like he did when his anxiety was skyrocketing. He shifted on the bed but something was telling him he should get up, that he shouldn’t fall back asleep. He sits up on the bed and sighs, maybe he’s just unaware of his stress and that’s why he’s awake and he frowns at the thought. He’s always considered himself to be quite in tune with his emotions even if he doesn’t really show them much. 

He pads through the halls and goes to the kitchen to get himself some water despite the fact that he’s not thirsty. He lazily sips his water as he heads back to his room but stops short when he sees light peeking out from the bathroom door that’s slightly ajar. He shakes his head, he’s told the others so many times to turn off the lights before they leave a room, but do they listen? Of course not. 

He opens the door and his glass slips from his fingers but he doesn’t register the sound of it shattering because all he can focus on is the sight in front of him. Donghyuck’s slumped against the wall and he’s covered in blood and way too pale. He walks across the glass shards, ignoring the pain that spikes through his feet, and brings a shaking hand to the boy’s neck and feels his heart sink when he doesn’t feel a pulse. Tears slip down his face as he lays the boy on his back and he thinks he’s screaming but he doesn’t really know as he presses hard on Donghyuck’s chest and he feels like he’s going to throw up when he glances at the boy’s thin wrist and sees how blood spurts out in time with Taeyong’s compressions.

He hears footsteps in the hall and then a sharp intake of breath behind him and he turns his head to see Johnny standing there with a hand over his mouth in shock. He turns back to focus on CPR and he thinks he’s done thirty compressions so he leans over to give mouth to mouth but before he can he feels something dark curl around him and then... nothing. 

_Five more chances._

Taeyong gasps awake and feels tears on his face. He glances at Johnny sleeping peacefully in the bed on the other side of the room and he realises; it was just a dream. After he’s managed to calm down with that realisation he gets up and heads to the kitchen and smiles fondly at the familiar sight. Donghyuck is sitting at the kitchen island as Taeil is stood in front of the stove and Taeyong feels a sense of deja vu when he realises what Taeil is cooking.

“Doing a repeat of yesterday’s breakfast?” Taeyong teases as he wraps his arms around Donghyuck from behind but flinches slightly as images from his dream flash in front of his eyes.

“What are you talking about hyung?” Donghyuck asks and leans into his embrace, “We had oatmeal yesterday.”

“No, we didn’t.” Taeyong laughs, “Taeil cooked pancakes yesterday too.”

Taeil frowns slightly and walks over to them, pancakes left forgotten as he places a hand on Taeyong’s forehead, “You feeling okay Taeyong?”

“Yeah I’m fine.” he bats Taeil’s hand away and steps back too look at him in confusion, are they messing with him? 

“Alright. It didn’t feel like he has a fever.” and Taeyong does not appreciate that Taeil is speaking to Donghyuck like he’s not there.

“Good thing we only have one dance practice today then.” Donghyuck says and turns to glance at Taeyong with a concerned smile.

Taeyong shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. Is he going crazy? He could have sworn they have a packed schedule today. He walks back to his room and gets a mumbled good morning from Johnny as he passes him in the hall, wasn’t Johnny wearing something else last night? 

He grabs his phone from his bedside table and opens his calendar where he keeps their schedule and reels back in shock, the 4th of March? But yesterday was the 4th of March too. Something must be wrong with his phone so he goes over to where Johnny’s phone is resting on his bed and presses a button and the screen lights up and reads: Wednesday March 4. Taeyong really must be going insane. He doesn’t get to think much more about it as he hears yells from the kitchen about breakfast being served.

Taeyong feels off the entire day. Everything is the exact same as the day before and this time when Johnny, Sicheng and Mark do the triangle dance he can’t laugh with them because what the fuck is going on? The others notice his weird behavior and ask him how he is and Taeil reaches up to place his hand on his forehead a few more times during the day, obviously convinced he’s getting sick and Taeyong thinks he might be right. Maybe he has some kind of delusional fever that doesn’t give him a temperature or something. 

When night comes Taeyong falls asleep quickly, hoping the following day will be better, or normal at the very least. He gasps awake again just like he had the night before and the strange feeling is back full force but he tries to ignore it and curls up in a ball on the bed. He startles slightly when he hears a muffled thud but he just closes his eyes, it was probably nothing. But he can feel that something is wrong and he gets out of bed and his eyes immediately travel to the bathroom door that is ajar just like it had been in his dream. With some hesitation he walks over and opens the door and there Donghyuck is, covered in blood and way too pale. His hand shakes as he reaches to touch the younger’s neck and he sobs when he can’t find a pulse. He clutches the teen against himself and feels the darkness once again.

_Four more chances_

He gasps awake again and he rushes to Donghyuck’s room and he leans heavily against the door frame when he sees him sleeping peacefully on his bed, Jaehyun shifts on the other bed but fortunately doesn’t wake up. He gets his breathing under control and walks back to his room with a self deprecating chuckle, it was just a dream. As he lays down on the bed his eyes travel to his phone and he presses a button and the device comes to life, Wednesday March 4. It’s been the 4th three days in a row and Taeyong doesn’t know what to do with that information so he lays back on the bed waiting for the dorm to come to life as the sun takes its place in the sky. 

Taeil makes pancakes again but Taeyong doesn’t say anything about it this time. They’ll think he’s losing it if he tells them what’s going on, or rather, what he thinks is going on. When they make it to the dance studio the others seem slightly concerned at Taeyong’s silence but he just starts warming up, hoping the others will just think he’s focused on practice. He stops his movement when Johnny, Sicheng and Mark do the triangle dance again and just stares. Is he becoming a psychic or something? He shakes his head, no, of course he’s not. He’s being ridiculous. His mind is playing tricks on him because he saw the videos floating around on the internet of the new dance (if it can even be called that).

When he falls asleep that night he feels like someone is telling him to stay awake but he ignores it. He’s not going to start listening to voices when he already thinks he’s going insane. He dreams of photoshoots and recording sessions and each time they’re focused on Donghyuck but he looks oddly sad and distant in the dreams, nothing like he is in real life. But that’s not quite true though, because Taeyong has noticed how their unit’s maknae has seemed down lately and he assumes it’s because of the stress that comes with each comeback.

He wakes up to the sound of a scream and he jumps out of bed, as do Johnny. They rush to the bathroom where the door is swung open completely and inside Taeil is clutching towels to each of Donghyuck’s wrists and the boy blinks up at them but his eyes are empty, dead almost. Taeyong is vaguely aware of someone calling for an ambulance and the others joining them in the hallway. Jaehyun pushes past Taeyong to kneel by their maknae’s side, helping Taeil trying to stem the bleeding.

The paramedics get there and Taeyong doesn’t know how long it took them but he sees one of them pack up while the other leaves for a few minutes, coming back with a large black bag. He watches in sick fascination as the paramedics expertly place Donghyuck - or rather, his body, because Donghyuck is gone, because Taeyong was too late - in the bag on the stretcher. They zip the body bag up over Donghyuck’s face and as it closes Taeyong feels the darkness wrap around him once more.

_Three more chances._

Taeyong gasps awake and he can’t stop shaking. He can still feel the darkness from his dream wrapped around him. Only, it wasn’t a dream. This is real in some supernatural kind of way and Taeyong can feel his whole world image crumble. Because no way could dreams feel so real, no way could they hurt this much. His chest aches and he can’t seem to get any oxygen in, but eventually the darkness around him unravels and he can breathe again.  
Once he’s managed to calm down he just lays there, staring at the ceiling. It’s only then that it really dawns on him. Donghyuck is killing himself. His group member, his friend, his little brother, is killing himself. And that, that shakes him more than the realisation that he’s stuck in some kind of time loop. Donghyuck hasn’t shown any signs of being depressed but now Taeyong has seen him dead on the bathroom floor three times, by his own hand. 

The day passes in a daze. The previous three days repeating and the others once again concerned about their leaders behaviour. He goes to bed early and tries to ignore the voice that’s telling him to stay awake but to no avail. He lays there and listen as the others get ready for bed and he pretends to sleep when Johnny gets in and soon enough he can hear his breathing slow down and sits up on the bed. He hears a door creak open and he probably wouldn’t have heard it had he not been listening intently. He quickly gets up and into the hallway and he sees Donghyuck startle with his hand on the handle.

“Hyung,” he whispers, “you scared me.”

“Sorry.” Taeyong smiles sheepishly, “What are you doing up so late?”

“Needed to use the bathroom.” the younger’s voice seems uncertain before he lets go of the handle, “I’m guessing you do too? You can go first.”

“Nah, you go ahead.” he says and gestures for Donghyuck to go. “I’ll take too long anyways.”

“You could just say you need to shit.” Donghyuck laughs and Taeyong lets out an indignant noise but Donghyuck has already closed the door before he can figure out a more eloquent response.

When Taeyong wakes up the next morning he is pleased to see his phone display the date, Thursday March 5. He’s finally out of that damn time loop and he figures he should just forget about the whole thing. It’s over now. Taeil doesn’t make pancakes and their schedule is packed with dance practices and vocal lessons so he finds it easy to forget about the whole ordeal. The others seem to notice as well because they don’t look as concerned as they had the day (days) before.

Taeyong opts to stay a bit after their last practice to perfect the choreo, he hadn’t been particularly effective with the way he’s been acting and the others seemed to understand and left with the order of not staying too long. He ends up actually listening for once because the odd feeling seems to creep up on him again and it distracts him. He shakes his head and gathers up his things before he heads out. As he stands in the elevator he feels anxiety claw at his chest and he hurries outside to get some fresh air.

He stands by the doors for a while, just breathing in the crisp night air but he can’t calm down. He never panics without a reason but stood here in front of their company building something just feels wrong. He sees a lady point up with a horrified expression and Taeyong backs away from the building, looking up to where she’s pointing and sees a figure high up there. He blinks and the lady screams, the figure is falling and falling until… _splat._

With shaking legs he walks over to the body and the lady is still screaming. He falls to his knees beside the body because he knows him, Donghyuck. The darkness wraps itself around him again and he’s glad because;

_Two more chances_

As soon as Taeyong wakes up he gets up. He takes a shower and he gets ready for the day. He cooks his members a hearty breakfast that takes nearly an hour and his thoughts are running a mile a minute. The others get up and they’re wearing the same clothes they had the day before (at least Taeyong’s day before) and they thank him for the meal and digs in. When Mark asks him what the occasion is he just says it’s because they have a long day ahead of them and the younger just nods in understanding. Except, he doesn’t understand, because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen tonight, but Taeyong does and he’s going to stop it. He’s not going to let Donghyuck die.

He dances with more furosity than he ever has and raps until his throat hurts and he can’t seem to get air in his lungs. When the others leave in the evening Taeyong stays behind and gets some writing done before restlessness creeps up on him and he heads to the roof. The cold air usually soothes his nerves but tonight it just reminds him of yesterday (or today or whatever he should call it). It reminds him of the blood pooling below Donghyuck as he laid on the pavement and the sound that his body made when it made the deadly contact with the ground.

The door opens and Donghyuck looks shocked to see Taeyong up there. Taeyong thinks he sees tears in the younger’s eyes but he blinks a few times and they’re gone and he smiles at the leader but it doesn’t look genuine. And now that he thinks about it, his smiles haven’t looked real for a long time and he curses himself for not noticing. A lot of things he should have noticed have come back to him over the last couple days. Like how Donghyuck sleeps a lot and doesn’t initiate skinship like he usually did and when he did and it was ultimately rejected by stressed members his face would crumble with hidden hurt. Why hadn’t Taeyong noticed before? He should have noticed.

“What are you doing up here?” Donghyuck asks softly and stands next to Taeyong by the edge, looking out over the beautiful city.

“Just needed some fresh air.” Taeyong says just as softly and leans slightly against the younger man, “How about you?”

“Same.” he mumbles and rests his head against Taeyong’s shoulder.

“I know we haven’t talked in a while,” Taeyong says after a beat of silence, “we’ve been really busy but I’ve been meaning to ask you how you are.” 

“Fine.” Donghyuck says and shrugs but Taeyong knows better than to drop it.

“You know you can talk to us, you can talk to me. I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit down lately.”

“I’m just tired.”

“You should rest then.”

“I’m trying.”

Taeyong tries not to think of the implication of that statement but he can’t stop himself. Donghyuck is trying to get that rest but not by sleeping, no, by killing himself. By granting himself his final rest far too early in his young life. He wraps his arm around the other’s shoulders and rubs his upper arm in a motion that he hopes is comforting.

“Come on,” he says after a while, “let’s go home.”

Taeyong feels a sense of accomplishment when he falls asleep that night. He’s reached out and he hopes Donghyuck will take his outstretched hand. He hopes Donghyuck will ask for his help, he really wants to help. He loves the younger so much and it’s broken his heart each time he’s seen his dead body now. Donghyuck is amazing and he deserves the chance to realise that things can get better. That even if it seems bleak now the future is bright and there are so many people who love him and want him to thrive. Donghyuck just needs to take that first step and if he can’t do it on his own, well, then Taeyong will just have to take it with him. 

The following day is nice and Taeyong is happy to see Donghyuck hug each members good morning. He laughs loudly during practice but something still feels off about it to Taeyong but he assumes it’s just the residual anxiety from the previous days that cause the odd feeling. It’s Friday so Taeyong suggest they go out to eat and despite the fact that they’re all exhausted, they deserve a treat after all the hard work they’ve put down that week. The others happily agree but Donghyuck asks if he can just go home and something tells Taeyong that he should insist that he comes with them but the younger’s eyes are drooping and he’s pouting cutely so Taeyong says it’s okay and that he should get some rest.

When they finally get home they’re all tired so they head to their rooms and just as Taeyong makes to pull off his sweater a scream stops him in his tracks and he locks eyes with Johnny before they rush to the source, Mark. The younger is desperately trying to lift Donghyuck’s body that is hanging from the fan on the ceiling and Taeyong freezes, horrified at the sight. The darkness is already pulling him in as Johnny rushes forward to help and then, nothing. Just like the other times. 

_One more chance._

When Taeyong wakes up this time he doesn’t gasp, he doesn’t shake, he doesn’t cry. All he does is lay there, completely numb. He thought he’d succeeded when he stopped Donghyuck from jumping but he realizes now that he’s just prolonging Donghyuck’s life by a day each time he interrupts his plans. He doesn’t know what to do. The darkness said he only has one more chance so he can’t mess it up this time. He needs to succeed this time. _How?_

He can talk to the boy but he doubts Donghyuck will take it to heart since the moment they shared on the roof obviously didn’t help. He can’t stay back when the others head out for dinner, Donghyuck won’t do it if he’s home and he can’t predict when or how the younger will try again. He sits up in bed and puts his head in his hands. What is he supposed to do? What is the point of these chances when he can’t solve the actual problem? Maybe if he catches him in the act it won’t reset. Maybe he can get Donghyuck to talk to him then. Maybe then he can actually help because what he’s been doing so far obviously hasn’t. 

He’s on edge the entire day and he feels a sense of dread each time Donghyuck expresses his love towards the others because he knows the boy is saying goodbye, however one sided it may be. He follows his actions from the day before and suggests they go out to eat and he once again tells Donghyuck it’s okay that he goes home. As soon as they get to the restaurant Taeyong tells the others he’s too tired so he’s going to head home, to his surprise Mark says he’s not feeling too well and will go with him. He doesn’t have the time so he doesn’t protest and he knows Mark is confused by the hurry Taeyong is in but he doesn’t bother explaining it. They arrive home and Taeyong hopes he’s not too late but more importantly he hopes he’s not too early. He pushes his way past Mark and can hear him let out a surprised squeak but he needs to get to Donghyuck. 

When he slams the door open he nearly cries in relief despite the fact that Donghyuck has the noose resting around his neck because he’s still alive, stood on a chair that with one swift kick would take his life. Donghyuck’s face shifts quickly through his emotions, first shock, then guilt and finally an apologetic expression takes place and he kicks the chair out from under him. Taeyong yells out a protest and rushes forward to lift the boy up so the rope can’t drain the life out of him. He hears Mark’s footsteps and he’s grateful the boy came with him because together they manage to get Donghyuck down.

The youngest of the three is gasping for breath and Taeyong clutches him tightly to himself just to feel that he’s still there. Mark is sitting in front of them with tears streaming down his face and he’s mumbling quietly to himself but Taeyong can’t care about him now, he needs to focus on the boy in his lap.

“Why?” Donghyuck sobs and tries to get out of Taeyong’s hold.

“It’s okay.” Taeyong says and rocks them back and forth, “You’ll get better. It’s okay.” 

“No!” Donghyuck yells and the sound hurts his ears but Taeyong only pulls him closer, “I don’t want to get better! I want it to be over!”

“Don’t say that.” Mark chokes out and reaches out to take hold of Donghyuck’s hands, “Please don’t say that.”

“I hate this! I want it to be over.” Donghyuck’s anger seems to drain out of him because he whispers the last part, “Why did you have to save me?”

“Because I love you and I need you to live.” Taeyong whispers in the younger’s ear.

* * *

They got Donghyuck admitted to a mental hospital because even if Taeyong didn’t want to admit it, they just didn’t know how to help him. When the others found out what had happened they had been devastated but incredibly relieved that Taeyong and Mark managed to stop him in time. Taeyong felt guilty for a while, the fact that he only succeeded at the last chance and that if he had failed, well he wasn’t sure what that darkness would do but he knew Donghyuck wouldn’t be alive now. He wouldn’t be walking out of the elevator to meet the rest of NCT as he finally got discharged. He looks slightly scared as he approaches them but when Jisung and Chenle tackle him in a small group hug his face breaks into a smile and Taeyong is pleased that it seems genuine this time. 

Taeyong listens as Donghyuck tells them that he’s much better now, that it was the doctor’s decision to release him. He’s made a lot of progress but he admits he still has bad days but they’re nowhere near as bad as before. He’s finally telling the truth and Taeyong couldn’t be prouder.

“I want to get better.” Donghyuck tells them and smiles, “I want to live.”

It looks a bit ridiculous as nearly twenty men and boys stand in a line to hug Donghyuck but they all need the same thing, they need to feel that he’s okay, that he’s here now, wrapped safely in their arms. Taeyong waits until everyone has gotten their moment before he steps forward and wraps the younger in his arms. 

“Can we talk?” Donghyuck whispers into the crook of his neck and Taeyong nods and pulls away.

They find themselves on the roof and Taeyong can’t help but feel like a failure when he sits up here, reminded of the time he thought he succeeded only to be proven wrong less than 24 hours later as Donghyuck swung from the fan in his room. He shakes his head, he doesn’t want to remember it.

“I was going to jump the day you were out here taking a breather.” Donghyuck says after a while, “And that night when you were up during the night and I headed for the bathroom, I was going to slit my wrists but you needing to take a shit stopped me.” Donghyuck lets out a little laugh and god Taeyong had missed that sound, “You saved me over and over without even realising.”

Taeyong smiles and nods. He doesn’t tell him he already knew that, because how was he supposed to explain that? ‘Donghyuck, there was this darkness that forced me to see you die five times through some sort of time loop before I managed to get my shit together and save you.’ No he doesn’t tell him, all he does is pull the younger in for a hug 

“I’d do it a hundred more times if it meant you stay here with us,” Taeyong says and pulls away slightly, staring earnestly into Donghyuck’s eyes, “alive.”

“Thank you.”


End file.
